Recently I’ve made a really big move, abandoning my Houston residency and my New York escapade for a temporary living arrangement with my sick mother. To me this was simple, after all family does come first, but to others this move was a heroine act.  I’m constantly being praised for my unselfish, giving, and honorary decision. One might assume that I had the happiest childhood so in turn it was easy for me to come to my mother’s rescue—so not true. While my childhood wasn’t a nightmare on elm street (I really did grow up on elm street) it certainly wasn’t a Mary Poppins adventure either. I made my move because my mother needed me, the same way I needed her when I was a child. Many people grow up and runaway due to dysfunction, but dysfunction does not just lie within your family; dysfunction resides everywhere especially in many work places i.e. our government, our society, and our school districts. The excuse of escaping the crazy dysfunction from your family is so not a good one. 

This post is not merely to tell someone to be there for their family when someone falls ill. It’s mainly about being ride or die for your family. Women are ride or die for their “no good” men so why do we consider our family to be so dispensable? Where did we go wrong with all of these split and unbalanced family situations? I have friends that would rather spend Thanksgiving alone than be with their family. Hell, I was practically depressed when I went one Christmas without going home. Now don’t get me wrong, after about four or five days with my family for the holidays, I’m usually ready to bounce, but I won’t deny that I’ll always be there to the rescue, ready to sacrifice for my family. I did say sacrifice and not enable. No I’m not dishing over unnecessary money to a cousin with a shopping habit. Every lesson is meant to be taken with discretion.

I’ll give you a simple and easy first step: Make a mental note to call or text your family at least once a week. Ask how their week has been; what’s new with their job; how your niece and nephew are doing; or what future plans have they been currently working on? Basically, close the lack of communication and support gap. After all, God chose these particular people, with these particular personalities for a reason and God does not make mistakes.

Ask yourself these questions: How have I been towards my family lately? Am I still harboring ill feelings from the past? Can I initiate a truce between myself and a sibling? And most importantly, do they know I love them?

A box is a six sided unit of limited space. A relationship is a multifaceted bond with endless possibilities. Why do we consistently try to put the obviously larger one into the smaller: Fear; Caution; Unrealized Behavior?  

After carefully analyzing the behavior of myself (yes I admit to being guilty of this in the past) and a few of my female friends, I’ve come to one conclusion: we live in a box and we rely on that box to produce the miracles that we desire. (Side note: such a shame that a healthy relationship these days has to be considered a miracle lol) How can you limit yourself yet expect grand results? How can you pray for a man yet you won’t even expand your extracurricular activities to broaden your scope? Same grocery store, same circle of friends, same hang outs and yet you consistently complain that there are no men in the city that you live in. Wow! Your city is not comprised of the thirty mile radius of comfort that you shell yourself in. Unless you live in Lost Springs, Wyoming, one of the smallest cities in the US. Get out of that box girlfriend. You want an artistic man: start going to art galleries; you like the CEO type: join a professional organization. You consider this chasing a man…not exactly, it’s called positioning yourself or better yet, it’s called stepping out of your box before your box leads you to being forty and desperate, lessening your standards on the daily. I don’t see any men falling from the sky—especially any black men, so where exactly did you think you would run into one if you’ve already weeded out the areas that you frequent? And what do you have to lose? If a man doesn’t find you in your attempt to broadening your scope, at least you would have experienced things beyond your interest, possibly made some business contacts or met a life-long friend or a traveling buddy. You get my drift? There’s nothing to lose with getting out of your box and if you continue living in that limited space then please don’t complain when you find yourself alone—still…