As I sat watching one of my favorite shows (Gossip Girl) *Don't Judge Me, I'm Diverse* I couldn't help but hang on to the words spoken by Blair to Serena, "Are You Ready To Do What It Takes To Make Him Yours?" Like Really? I'm super tired of watching grown women play games and create schemes to get men to be with them. This may be a fictional television series but by no means is this topic a stranger to the truth. Why? What for? Why do yo feel the need, desire, and will to trick a man into being with you? Let's not mention the women that fight and create hell for the man and ANY new relationship he tries to pursue. I've been there but I can only answer why for my personal situation, I'm hoping the woman that's in these shoes at this very moment contemplates on her *WHY* While I could spend all night venting...I choose the later; I choose to come up with some straight-up to the point reasons why, if he doesn't want you then you should let him be...
#1 I'm assuming you've been down this road before, so did your ticks, games, and craziness bring your last man back--probably not!
#2 Wether you like it or not, this type of behavior hints to some underlying messages: I don't value myself. Are you willing to continue living your life not valuing yourself?
#3 If you continue chasing this man, you're guaranteed to miss your real "knight in shining armor." Are you willing to miss out on meeting the man that will "willingly" love you?
#4 Real love, true love, and everlasting love doesn't come from tricks, games, deceit or lies. Its impossible to coerce someone into loving you. So when you do get him, it'll all be fake and temporary: a faux love. True love is natural and heaven sent. The man that really loves you will fall in love with you effortlessly. All you'll have to do is be yourself.
My advice is simple and practical but for some its a challenge and a new way of thinking. I've been down that road before so I understand the intense desire for you to want your situation to be different then what it is. But, what's meant to be will be and whats not meant to be will not be! Make today your first day of loving yourself and letting go of anything or anyone that causes you to stray from this journey. I made that choice a long time ago and I haven't had an unhealthy relationship since.
Love, Writing and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
Its funny how the majority yells yes, then when they find themselves in the midst of the predicament they’re stunned by their inability to do so. I believe it depends on the situation. For the sake of conversation, lets say this is the person’s first time cheating and never before have they given you a reason to believe they were a “cheater.” Would you still leave or would you try to work it out? For me, the biggest thing with trying to work it out is the loss of trust. Trust is one of the foundational bricks in a relationship—if you’re aiming for a healthy one. Staying with a person that cheated would require you to learn how to trust that person again. Would you question them everyday; or would you develop paranoia about everything that person does? You have to carefully evaluate the situation and who you are as a person because that can very well determine your solution to the problem.
You usually have three personalities: a hard-hearted person, a wise-man, and a fool for love. The hard-hearted person is not only going to leave but they’re most likely going to disassociate themselves from the other party completely; the wise-man will use both their brain and heart to try and come up with the most appropriate remedy to the situation; and the fool for love is going to stay no matter what. I know we all wish we could be the wise-man but the majority of us wind up being either hot or cold: hard-hearted or a fool. Both can pose as a problem when it comes to relationships because relationships are tricky.
Sometimes society applauds the person who leaves when they’ve been cheated on yet leaving isn’t always the best solution. Yes I said it. Leaving is NOT always the best solution. Have you both sat down and had a discussion yet? What was the person’s reason for cheating? Could you have done anything differently? Do you both share the same desires for the relationship? There are tons of questions to be considered during the “aftermath.” If the cheating party is unwilling to communicate, then most likely you should leave. Moving forward requires communication and a revival and if you cant come together for that phase than chances are, the root of the problem has not been taking care of and that person could very well cheat again. Now on to the fool. Being a fool is never cute. The only problem is, the fool rarely recognizes that they are a fool. Whenever there’s a fool in a relationship, its already unhealthy. There is no remedy but for the fool to deal with their issues first before entering into another relationship. Being a fool is the tree that grows from the seed of insecurity. Being insecure about (your body, your face, your weight, your childhood, your job, your economic status, and etc.) will most certainly turn you into a fool and not just in relationships but in all areas of life where communication and companionship is involved.
In my new book titled: Running Back to Love, you get the opportunity to see how women with insecurities handle relationships. Although its fiction, it sheds some light on love gone wrong. To see love gone wrong can help you to recognize when love goes right.
Love, Writing, and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
Let me get this right...(In the voice of Ne-yo)
You've changed your hair, your style, the way you think, even the way you talk and now you find out he's cheating on you or he confesses to you that he doesn't love you anymore.
I like to write about the most common things that go un-discussed. This situation is one that is done both intentional and unconsciously. You either know off bat that you're going to become the woman he desires or you slowly but surely desire to please him so unbeknownst to you, you become all of what he wants. Either way you start seeing less of you and all of him. You may feel like you're simply catering to your man or pleasing your man. Yeah it really does feel that way but how do you feel about the changes you are making? Because if you're hating the changes now and know you would be pissed off about the changes if he left you then really the changes are in vain. You have to know how to stay true to yourself; true to the woman he claimed he fell in love with.
Lets go deeper............
All the celebs that he's attracted to have short hair so you cut your hair short. You know he might want to move to another state soon so you hold off on going back to school until you figure out what he’s going to do. You allow him to pick out all of your clothes even though you don't like the things he picks. You stop hanging out with your friends and you stop doing all the things you love to do and you focus on his favorite things. So basically you went from a long haired college student who dresses kinda funky and likes to go skating to a short haired college dropout who shops at the Gap who retired her skates and bugs her boyfriend because she has no life of her own anymore.
And now.....
He comes to you and says, "It’s not you it’s me." And you see him with another chic who looks like you use to look. So you ask him what the hell is this all about? And he tells you, "I like a woman who enjoys being herself. One who wants to please me but not at all cost. It's okay to tell me you don't like something or you want to be alone for the evening. He tells you, you became less of a challenge and more of a leech."
It hurts hughh???
So what’s up with us being willing to lose our identity to be with someone? How about you keep your identity and fall in love with the person who loves you for you.
The reality of seeing him with someone else might be just what you need. Cause if you don't learn your lesson on this one it just might go too far on the next one. At least in my example it was easy to bounce back: buy a wig, take your skates out of the closet, register for classes since you only missed one semester and go shopping to heal from the heart break and to get your wardrobe back.
But unfortunately it sometimes goes too far. You've been his wife for ten years and he up and leaves you for the woman you use to be. Well you have no clue where your skates are or even how to skate, you don't remember half of the stuff you learned from school to continue on without a hell of a refresh course. You haven't shopped for your style in so long that you're actually trained to know what he likes so you automatically buy those things and you've gotten so use to the short hair that you actually like it.
This woman in the last example is the majority. Don't get me wrong she has, can and will bounce back, it just hurts like hell when you think of those ten long years you spent being someone else and he has the audacity to leave you for "You."
My thing is ladies, just be yourself. If he likes you he likes you if he doesn't he doesn't, oh the hell well...NEXT!!!!
Love, Writing, and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley