As I sat watching one of my favorite shows (Gossip Girl) *Don't Judge Me, I'm Diverse* I couldn't help but hang on to the words spoken by Blair to Serena, "Are You Ready To Do What It Takes To Make Him Yours?" Like Really? I'm super tired of watching grown women play games and create schemes to get men to be with them. This may be a fictional television series but by no means is this topic a stranger to the truth. Why? What for? Why do yo feel the need, desire, and will to trick a man into being with you? Let's not mention the women that fight and create hell for the man and ANY new relationship he tries to pursue. I've been there but I can only answer why for my personal situation, I'm hoping the woman that's in these shoes at this very moment contemplates on her *WHY* While I could spend all night venting...I choose the later; I choose to come up with some straight-up to the point reasons why, if he doesn't want you then you should let him be...
#1 I'm assuming you've been down this road before, so did your ticks, games, and craziness bring your last man back--probably not!
#2 Wether you like it or not, this type of behavior hints to some underlying messages: I don't value myself. Are you willing to continue living your life not valuing yourself?
#3 If you continue chasing this man, you're guaranteed to miss your real "knight in shining armor." Are you willing to miss out on meeting the man that will "willingly" love you?
#4 Real love, true love, and everlasting love doesn't come from tricks, games, deceit or lies. Its impossible to coerce someone into loving you. So when you do get him, it'll all be fake and temporary: a faux love. True love is natural and heaven sent. The man that really loves you will fall in love with you effortlessly. All you'll have to do is be yourself.
My advice is simple and practical but for some its a challenge and a new way of thinking. I've been down that road before so I understand the intense desire for you to want your situation to be different then what it is. But, what's meant to be will be and whats not meant to be will not be! Make today your first day of loving yourself and letting go of anything or anyone that causes you to stray from this journey. I made that choice a long time ago and I haven't had an unhealthy relationship since.
Love, Writing and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
So, I went to a relationship forum yesterday and the most interesting statement of the night was made in comparison to a water buffalo and a lion. Yes, a water buffalo. One of the panelist explained the biblical passage, Proverbs:18:22, "A man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing" in everyday lingo. Have you ever watched a water buffalo slowly stride its way into the lion's den? As a matter of fact, is the water buffalo knowingly anywhere near the lion? No! So why are women out finding their husbands? Why are the "new day and age" water buffalos out looking for the lions? This would make a hilarious commercial, to see the water buffalo seducing the lion to eat it. The analogy sounds great, makes perfect sense and all that other good stuff but is that common in 2010? Some men love it when women approach them. What about the woman who makes her presence known to a man, is she out of order with nature as well? Is the woman's role really only to prepare herself for her husband and do nothing else but that? Or is there a happy medium to female and male roles in the dating arena? There is a prominent pastoral couple (I'll omit names and location) that I am familiar with and the wife always tells her story of how she met her husband. She noticed him first and assumed that if she didn't make some kind of a move, he would not see her. She then went and stood right outside of the area where he was at, so when he planned to leave that particular area, he would have no choice but to walk past her. I remember her distinctively describing it as how she "positioned" herself.
Ladies and Gents, this post is just a conversation starter, I agree with the panelist, I love being chased *wink* *wink* What do you think about this?
Love, Writing, and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
The word ridiculous could appropriately describe some of the relationships/vibes women have with each other today. While of course this is not the case with all women, it is a common and noticeable factor that is present whether acknowledged or not. As a matter of fact, this “catyness” can typically go unnoticed. A sweet and pleasant woman could indeed have “caty” characteristics.
You and your friends are sitting at a lounge having a good time. In walks a beautiful woman, well dressed and exuberates a great deal of self confidence. Your comment might be, “she thinks she’s all that.” The million dollar question here is: Why can’t she think she’s all that? Is she hurting you? Did she deliberately say I’m the greatest and I’m better than you—absolutely not! She didn’t say a thing but you were thinking those thoughts in your head. What do you expect to come from such negative thoughts? You’re going to treat her like she actually made those comments which in return would cause her to not be so receptive to you. The fact that she might think she’s all that is not always a bad thing. That doesn’t make her the enemy. If we could somehow make our way into an environment where “we” women can ALL think we’re “all that” and give the woman you encounter her props for thinking the same thing then we just might get further in life. The fact of the matter for this case would be: do not let another woman with a positive humble attitude or a cocky rude attitude dictate a negative response from you.
Now on another note, the woman who walks in the room deserves some advice as well. Are you walking in the room with a self confident yet humble spirit and are being misunderstood or are you walking in the room like, “bitches look at me!”
"I walked in the room, head held high. I knew she was my competition and I was determined to change her status to the level of an underdog"
"I know why she's staring... My measurements paired with my skin complexion equals perfection. If she were a skunk her scent would be envy"
Be honest with yourself. Is this you? Are you thinking these thoughts in your head? If so, get real; get a life or get a hobby. The attitude is so unnecessary. It would appear that you were creating thoughts in your head very much similar to the group of women that were previously mentioned. You’ve painted a picture of what you think they’re saying and thinking. It’s okay, actually it’s recommended to have a great deal of confidence. But be mindful not to confuse confidence with cockiness.
Women today are fighting too many battles. We have other things to fight and should be fighting for those causes together. Such things as, making men step up to their God given plate and be men; not being discriminated against at work by way of salary and position. How can we collectively fight these battles when we’re too busy fighting our selves. Wouldn’t it be strange to see two armies on their way to the battle field yet one side is duking it out amongst each other before the battle can even begin?
A lifelong mindset might take some time to change but the first step is always remembered upon entering into success. Next time you’re on either side, the woman walking in the room or the group of women in a room, smile at each other and find one thing positive to say.
Love, Writing and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
Let me get this right...(In the voice of Ne-yo)
You've changed your hair, your style, the way you think, even the way you talk and now you find out he's cheating on you or he confesses to you that he doesn't love you anymore.
I like to write about the most common things that go un-discussed. This situation is one that is done both intentional and unconsciously. You either know off bat that you're going to become the woman he desires or you slowly but surely desire to please him so unbeknownst to you, you become all of what he wants. Either way you start seeing less of you and all of him. You may feel like you're simply catering to your man or pleasing your man. Yeah it really does feel that way but how do you feel about the changes you are making? Because if you're hating the changes now and know you would be pissed off about the changes if he left you then really the changes are in vain. You have to know how to stay true to yourself; true to the woman he claimed he fell in love with.
Lets go deeper............
All the celebs that he's attracted to have short hair so you cut your hair short. You know he might want to move to another state soon so you hold off on going back to school until you figure out what he’s going to do. You allow him to pick out all of your clothes even though you don't like the things he picks. You stop hanging out with your friends and you stop doing all the things you love to do and you focus on his favorite things. So basically you went from a long haired college student who dresses kinda funky and likes to go skating to a short haired college dropout who shops at the Gap who retired her skates and bugs her boyfriend because she has no life of her own anymore.
And now.....
He comes to you and says, "It’s not you it’s me." And you see him with another chic who looks like you use to look. So you ask him what the hell is this all about? And he tells you, "I like a woman who enjoys being herself. One who wants to please me but not at all cost. It's okay to tell me you don't like something or you want to be alone for the evening. He tells you, you became less of a challenge and more of a leech."
It hurts hughh???
So what’s up with us being willing to lose our identity to be with someone? How about you keep your identity and fall in love with the person who loves you for you.
The reality of seeing him with someone else might be just what you need. Cause if you don't learn your lesson on this one it just might go too far on the next one. At least in my example it was easy to bounce back: buy a wig, take your skates out of the closet, register for classes since you only missed one semester and go shopping to heal from the heart break and to get your wardrobe back.
But unfortunately it sometimes goes too far. You've been his wife for ten years and he up and leaves you for the woman you use to be. Well you have no clue where your skates are or even how to skate, you don't remember half of the stuff you learned from school to continue on without a hell of a refresh course. You haven't shopped for your style in so long that you're actually trained to know what he likes so you automatically buy those things and you've gotten so use to the short hair that you actually like it.
This woman in the last example is the majority. Don't get me wrong she has, can and will bounce back, it just hurts like hell when you think of those ten long years you spent being someone else and he has the audacity to leave you for "You."
My thing is ladies, just be yourself. If he likes you he likes you if he doesn't he doesn't, oh the hell well...NEXT!!!!
Love, Writing, and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley