A box is a six sided unit of limited space. A relationship is a multifaceted bond with endless possibilities. Why do we consistently try to put the obviously larger one into the smaller: Fear; Caution; Unrealized Behavior?
After carefully analyzing the behavior of myself (yes I admit to being guilty of this in the past) and a few of my female friends, I’ve come to one conclusion: we live in a box and we rely on that box to produce the miracles that we desire. (Side note: such a shame that a healthy relationship these days has to be considered a miracle lol) How can you limit yourself yet expect grand results? How can you pray for a man yet you won’t even expand your extracurricular activities to broaden your scope? Same grocery store, same circle of friends, same hang outs and yet you consistently complain that there are no men in the city that you live in. Wow! Your city is not comprised of the thirty mile radius of comfort that you shell yourself in. Unless you live in Lost Springs, Wyoming, one of the smallest cities in the US. Get out of that box girlfriend. You want an artistic man: start going to art galleries; you like the CEO type: join a professional organization. You consider this chasing a man…not exactly, it’s called positioning yourself or better yet, it’s called stepping out of your box before your box leads you to being forty and desperate, lessening your standards on the daily. I don’t see any men falling from the sky—especially any black men, so where exactly did you think you would run into one if you’ve already weeded out the areas that you frequent? And what do you have to lose? If a man doesn’t find you in your attempt to broadening your scope, at least you would have experienced things beyond your interest, possibly made some business contacts or met a life-long friend or a traveling buddy. You get my drift? There’s nothing to lose with getting out of your box and if you continue living in that limited space then please don’t complain when you find yourself alone—still…
As I sat watching one of my favorite shows (Gossip Girl) *Don't Judge Me, I'm Diverse* I couldn't help but hang on to the words spoken by Blair to Serena, "Are You Ready To Do What It Takes To Make Him Yours?" Like Really? I'm super tired of watching grown women play games and create schemes to get men to be with them. This may be a fictional television series but by no means is this topic a stranger to the truth. Why? What for? Why do yo feel the need, desire, and will to trick a man into being with you? Let's not mention the women that fight and create hell for the man and ANY new relationship he tries to pursue. I've been there but I can only answer why for my personal situation, I'm hoping the woman that's in these shoes at this very moment contemplates on her *WHY* While I could spend all night venting...I choose the later; I choose to come up with some straight-up to the point reasons why, if he doesn't want you then you should let him be...
#1 I'm assuming you've been down this road before, so did your ticks, games, and craziness bring your last man back--probably not!
#2 Wether you like it or not, this type of behavior hints to some underlying messages: I don't value myself. Are you willing to continue living your life not valuing yourself?
#3 If you continue chasing this man, you're guaranteed to miss your real "knight in shining armor." Are you willing to miss out on meeting the man that will "willingly" love you?
#4 Real love, true love, and everlasting love doesn't come from tricks, games, deceit or lies. Its impossible to coerce someone into loving you. So when you do get him, it'll all be fake and temporary: a faux love. True love is natural and heaven sent. The man that really loves you will fall in love with you effortlessly. All you'll have to do is be yourself.
My advice is simple and practical but for some its a challenge and a new way of thinking. I've been down that road before so I understand the intense desire for you to want your situation to be different then what it is. But, what's meant to be will be and whats not meant to be will not be! Make today your first day of loving yourself and letting go of anything or anyone that causes you to stray from this journey. I made that choice a long time ago and I haven't had an unhealthy relationship since.
Love, Writing and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
So, I went to a relationship forum yesterday and the most interesting statement of the night was made in comparison to a water buffalo and a lion. Yes, a water buffalo. One of the panelist explained the biblical passage, Proverbs:18:22, "A man that findeth a wife findeth a good thing" in everyday lingo. Have you ever watched a water buffalo slowly stride its way into the lion's den? As a matter of fact, is the water buffalo knowingly anywhere near the lion? No! So why are women out finding their husbands? Why are the "new day and age" water buffalos out looking for the lions? This would make a hilarious commercial, to see the water buffalo seducing the lion to eat it. The analogy sounds great, makes perfect sense and all that other good stuff but is that common in 2010? Some men love it when women approach them. What about the woman who makes her presence known to a man, is she out of order with nature as well? Is the woman's role really only to prepare herself for her husband and do nothing else but that? Or is there a happy medium to female and male roles in the dating arena? There is a prominent pastoral couple (I'll omit names and location) that I am familiar with and the wife always tells her story of how she met her husband. She noticed him first and assumed that if she didn't make some kind of a move, he would not see her. She then went and stood right outside of the area where he was at, so when he planned to leave that particular area, he would have no choice but to walk past her. I remember her distinctively describing it as how she "positioned" herself.
Ladies and Gents, this post is just a conversation starter, I agree with the panelist, I love being chased *wink* *wink* What do you think about this?
Love, Writing, and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
Irecently came to the conclusion that I was a "serial dater" so I decided to share with you all. I've had an influx of dates in the past month or two which is quite the surprise for me. Some may be cheering me on and others may be saying I'm doing too much. Either way, my dating relationships have come to an abrupt end so it doesn't really matter. As I sat on my computer, doing editing work for my novel, I realized, I'm not really interested in any of the men I'm dating. They're cool, fun, cute and blah blah blah but for some reason, I don't see myself being with any of them. I think some where around the number exchanging and phone conversations, I became a chick that wanted to get to know a person rather than make petty judgements but it appears that my interest level is floating at a steady paste. I sometimes answer my phone, I sometimes return their phone calls. I don't want to date like that. I don't want to be so focused on giving men a chance that I become "too open" ignoring the qualities and characteristics that excite me and interest me in the physical and mental. So yes, I'm starting over but first I must do some evaluating of course. First lesson learned: Do everything with purpose. Random dating is out of the question for me. I know my goals, I know my interest. If ours align, great, if they don't, it was nice meeting you...
So are you a serial dater?
Love, Writing, and Besos!
Your Favorite Author
Demetrius Dudley
Its funny how the majority yells yes, then when they find themselves in the midst of the predicament they’re stunned by their inability to do so. I believe it depends on the situation. For the sake of conversation, lets say this is the person’s first time cheating and never before have they given you a reason to believe they were a “cheater.” Would you still leave or would you try to work it out? For me, the biggest thing with trying to work it out is the loss of trust. Trust is one of the foundational bricks in a relationship—if you’re aiming for a healthy one. Staying with a person that cheated would require you to learn how to trust that person again. Would you question them everyday; or would you develop paranoia about everything that person does? You have to carefully evaluate the situation and who you are as a person because that can very well determine your solution to the problem.
You usually have three personalities: a hard-hearted person, a wise-man, and a fool for love. The hard-hearted person is not only going to leave but they’re most likely going to disassociate themselves from the other party completely; the wise-man will use both their brain and heart to try and come up with the most appropriate remedy to the situation; and the fool for love is going to stay no matter what. I know we all wish we could be the wise-man but the majority of us wind up being either hot or cold: hard-hearted or a fool. Both can pose as a problem when it comes to relationships because relationships are tricky.
Sometimes society applauds the person who leaves when they’ve been cheated on yet leaving isn’t always the best solution. Yes I said it. Leaving is NOT always the best solution. Have you both sat down and had a discussion yet? What was the person’s reason for cheating? Could you have done anything differently? Do you both share the same desires for the relationship? There are tons of questions to be considered during the “aftermath.” If the cheating party is unwilling to communicate, then most likely you should leave. Moving forward requires communication and a revival and if you cant come together for that phase than chances are, the root of the problem has not been taking care of and that person could very well cheat again. Now on to the fool. Being a fool is never cute. The only problem is, the fool rarely recognizes that they are a fool. Whenever there’s a fool in a relationship, its already unhealthy. There is no remedy but for the fool to deal with their issues first before entering into another relationship. Being a fool is the tree that grows from the seed of insecurity. Being insecure about (your body, your face, your weight, your childhood, your job, your economic status, and etc.) will most certainly turn you into a fool and not just in relationships but in all areas of life where communication and companionship is involved.
In my new book titled: Running Back to Love, you get the opportunity to see how women with insecurities handle relationships. Although its fiction, it sheds some light on love gone wrong. To see love gone wrong can help you to recognize when love goes right.
Love, Writing, and Besos!
Your Favorite Author,
Demetrius Dudley
